03/03/2015

1. The Grim Reaper came for me last night , and I beat him off with a vacuum  cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.

2. A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I  quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....

3. My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70!!! Blow this , I thought , I can get one cheaper off the web.

4. Mick says "Charlie, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador .."Don’t do it" says Charlie, "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
    

5. My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well , she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.